The Swansea Scene
On this page you will find out what's happening in Jackland and the in the lives of General Bob Slipon Zod and a few other reprobates.

As the local paper has been churning out some amusing stories of late, I have felt it only correct to provide links to the best of them below. I will aslo provide links to other news which i feel is of benefit to the masses.

This site is still far from completition so be sure to check back here on regular intervals or else face the wrath of Zod!

Should Teabag be installed as leader of the council instead of Lawrence Llewellyn-Bailey?
Yes, his environmental ways and fashion style would assist the youth of Swansea
No, he is not right in the head and smells awfull.

Teabag Tribune (last update 16/07/01)

Who needs chemicals? Visit here regularly for a dose of Virtual Abertawe Insanity.

27/6/01 - Zooming in on local life
An appeal for contestants for 'Mawr Brawd,' Swansea's answer to Big Brother.

20/6/01- World War Three Breaks
Out In Swansea

Well perhaps not quite on the scale of the lobster wars which General Bob Slipon considered of such importance that he himself got involved but worth reading about all the same.

13/6/01 - Corgi-size cat attack on woman
This article puts pay to the theory that Zod's AWOL pet cat 'Himmler' had been used in the Lotus Houses Special Chow Mein.

October 2002 - Changing the surface of the South Docks from unexploded bombs to badly maintained beards
Change of format for this page purely because I can no longe be arsed to keep typing loads of crap and because I cannot be arsed to to change the style of the entire site. So from now on it will be like this and you will fucking love it:

30/10/02 - Patti Pavilion Metal pics added
30/10/02 - Swans v Southend picis added

18/04/02 - Back once again with the Smurfs main foe
Unfortunately the site is not dead! Nor will it die until Arfon becomes the way, the truth and the life for all!

I am beginning to think this news page is a waste of time as all the updates (all 1 a month) are put on the frontpage and this column is usually just full of pointless crap such as this so I may restructure the site but then I may not because it would take fucking ages.

There will be updates soon but in the meantime visit gareths excellent guide to the scenic dreamland of ynysforganuk and then finish your day off buy have a superb bedroom fitted by Spacesaver designs.

3/03/02 - Arfon hits the capital and Wales win
A good weekend for Aardvark shaggers as Wales beat Italy, England lose to France and the creme de la creme of club football, Swansea City, trounce Hull 1-0.

Pics taken yesterday during our day out in the Eastern Block can be seen here.

10/02/02 - Update from Fiesta Street
My street/road has turned into a car showroom. When I look out of my window I no longer see hordes of aardvarks and water bison but I do see 20 fiestas which have been there since friday and have already had some of their wheel trims removed. See pic here.

Other developments include Arfon has been nominated to become the national coach of Wales (see here) and there was mass inebriation at a Swans game (see here). Also forthcoming events include a visit to the pretty shitty by the man himself, Arfon Haines Davies!!!! I will keep you updated so you all know when and where to be to get an autograph with him.

2901/02 - No more uploading pics of kangaroo balls and no more Tony Petty. I fucking hate you Tony Petty!
After being back for nearly 2 months I have finally uploading all the pics from the Arfon Haines Davies Roasting Down Under Tour! Go here to see the full works but be quick as I am sick of the sight of them and will be taking most of them off soon, in a while crocodile.

Yes, it's true, tony Petty ahs left Swansea for the last time so the assasination attempt will take place elsewhere and the fans have finally got the club back! However, the battle is still not over so go here and see what you can do to help.

23/01/02 - I want to live in Pingo Land
Pics of the Melbourne leg of the tour down under added here and some pics and a report of the Bristol Roooaaarrveeers game here.

These are bad times for jacks throughout the universe so we must work together and think and act as one so with this in mind, the first person to ram a cheesegrator up Tony Petty's and Mike Lewis' asses wins a free Street Hawk watercolour set and signed picture drawn by me of Arfon Haines-Davies eating a pastie behind the Northbank.

20/01/02 - Huge £1.50 win on the horses
Pics taken during the Roger Freestone Race Night at St Helens (yes, the one where i won £1.50) can be seen here and a new page about Swansea and the City's proud links with the motor industry can be seen here.

SS permitting, I am hoping to upload all of the pics taken down under within 6 days so call back soon and leave some sort of opinion on the feedback page as the boards are as active as Slipon in the shagging stakes at the moment.

16/01/02 - Happy New Year Fruit Bats
Belated New Year wishes to all Fruit Bats and Humans! The rhythm of regular updates is yet to return but it may soon so keep calling back every 4th day as anything could happen in the next 49.678hrs.

The second installments of Oz pics have been added here featuring some of the best kangaroo pics you are likely to see. Other things of note include the Swans pages being updated here and me returning to the gym in a bid to go from a mammoth crow to medium large.

26/12/01 - Mighty White Christmas
A good christmas for jacks everywhere with the Swans routing Exeter for free (and beating them 3-0) and the all whites turning the form book at a strange angle and beating our Turkish neighbours aswell. Other incidents include much alcohol consumption, much stuffing and much food and also some updates.

The first installments of pics from the Oz jaunt can be seen here and an update on the SCFC situation and a petition can be seen here so go there and do your bit for the Swansea cause and also sign the guestbook as its beginning to look like Slipons sex diary again.

7/12/01 - Grilling to chilling my balls
From New South Wales to Old South Wales, from 35 degrees to 5 degrees and that's the ambassadors work complete for a while at least!

For some reason we have returned to this hole we call home if anyone can tell me why please let me know and for those of you who wish to see the pics from down under call back soon as I cannot be arsed to put them up today as the dogs have left the farmyard...

25/10/01 - Shit left on the doorstep so as they say in Llandow, ciau for now
This site will shortly go into hibernation for about 5 weeks as myself and Slipon undertake the tour down under. To keep up with the news from the frontline go here.

To keep you busy I have added a page on the Mumbles Railway and also for you Penlaners and Sherman Tanks a location page.

Please keep the feedback coming in as I love it! Throw another cockle on the barbey cuntox!

23/10/01 - Ribena instead of Carling on the night of a Swans game
Tony Petty is still alive despite the £45,676,003 worth of cockles reward offered by General Bob Slipon Zod for his moustache. Until this tyrant, Mike Lewis and the other twanges have departed I will not be going to the Vetch again which is good because I improve my monopoly skills and update this site a bit before I depart down under.

Some pictures from last week's marches and of what we spent the boycott money on can be seen here. I am aiming to get most of the 3/8th finished pages online this week so keep an eye out and if anyone would like to see anything added to the site before I get bitten in half by crocodile and chinese burned by a kangaroo let me know.

18/10/01 - Tony Petty must be killed (or go on his own accord)
Please go here and support the campaing to rid Swansea of the biggest shit to have graced the place since the time i had that prawn vindaloo from the Alsation Grill.

More updates to come before we depart for Oz on the 29th, so ensure you call back a bit later.

7/10/01 - A rocking sikh, Geldof and Hull
Some interesting scenes in downtown Swansea East! Usually I am complaining because the feedback I get is either non existent or consists of naked pictures of goldfish but lately it has been amusing and interesting stuff!

First of all the site did that well known Irish Teabag impersonater Bob Geldof a favour by helping to locate Peter Singh alias the Rocking Sikh to play at his birthday party and then perhaps best of all this site was voted '5th best non Hull City site' by suprisingly enough a Hull City site. A page displaying these acheivements can be seen here.

Also, the Swans pages have been updated with some amusing pics of Swansea's visit to kidderminster added here. Oh, and SS's hamster has fucking escaped! That's now 2 Russian hamsters bought and 2 Russian hamsters escaped and an end to my days of playing hamster Big Brother.

One last thing, the site will soon be moving to here so please change your bookmarks by next Sunday or face the wrath of General Bob Slipon Zod!

24/9/01 - Survived the Swansea Bay 10k!
Despite yesterday's Steve Cram impersonation nearly bringing a premature end to my earthly career I have recovered enough to bring you a few updates.

A report of the said race and pics can be seen here and a few new pics have been added in various secret locations and some are invisible for extra amusement.

I am intending to add a shitload of updates this week so be sure to call back on a regular basis and keep the feedback coming cheeseballs!

8/9/01 - Teabag tracked down!
My expedition has come to an end. After countless minutes of searching, accomodation rumoured to be Teabag's lair has been finally located! Despite my best efforts and preperations I was beaten to the honour by Chez. Nevertheless, the objective behind the mission has been fulfilled and history will forever remember the part my crew played...maybe! Arfon you are next! ;-)

I have also added a page featuring some of my 'lost' days of last year. To see some pics taken at last year's Glastonbury festival go here.

6/9/01 - Still September but not shitfaced
Well unbelievably the feedback has been pretty, exceptionally, golden eagle good over the last few days and I even saw Boris Yeltzin go in Fabio & Grooveriders shop (on Duke St) earlier today so things must not be bad!

I have found no dead cats on my wall or dead foxes in my garden but have set up an updates list which you can all (no discrimination on Thursdays) join by going here. Keep calling back as there things on the horizon. Also check out the Ginger Elvis guide to all that's worth knowing on Mayals here.

Oh, and I have put a pic I took earlier near Kilvey Hill here.

1/9/01 - September and shitfaced
Following some classic pics from last nights excess, a new 'Jacks on the Jazz' page has been added here and the competition entries (well entry) so far can be seen here. Also, pics taken by Jackman who is currently warming up Australia for Myself and Slipon's visit in October can be seen here.

I'm not even going to bother mentioning the feedback.

29/8/01 - Refreshed Raven
Coming at you straight after a hard day's shaving seagulls! Apparently there has been a problem with my bigfoot address. Should anyone wish to contact me to hire my lama or buy a t-shirt please direct all mail here.

Recent updates include: A new swansea RFC page added, a new gallery page added (send me your pics, drawings and poems you barstewards!), the Swans and Swancam pages updated and a Location page added which doesn't work...yet.

Oh, and the feedback is still shit.

17/8/01 - Spread the Word
A range of 'This is Swansea' T-shirts featuring many of the hero's featured on this site are now available here. So Swansea can now always be near to your heart and if you keep the t-shirt on for 13 weeks then you too can smell like Teabag! Bonus!

The updates have been as slow as the feedback this month but hopefully this will change in the forthcoming weeks. If there is anything you would like to see on the site mail me and I will do my best to deliver.

4/8/01 - This will be a day long remembered
After many minutes of searching and 1 failed attempt, I have finally proccured a photo of the most remarkable individual currently residing in Swansea......Teabag Pete! Click here to see a pic of not only Teabag but also some other key people.

28/7/01 - Updated after a day spent grilling
my balls
For some unknown reason as the team have been laying like a bunch of decreped, leg-less mongs, this week I have found myself mainly updating the Swansea City (allegedly) Football Club pages. Finally the Swansea Devil page has been updated as has the pub guide and Swansea Cam pages also too and all. I have also added a new guestbook in the hope that a change may increase the feedback.

22/7/01 - Site prepares for its 56th anniversary
Since the introduction of the Hetti Master to the Team this site has been updated on a previously unheard of rate. Aswell as the introduction of the Teabag Tribune, the info page has had other pages added and a Swansea Cam has been added also.

Despite all this though the feedback has been utter crap so get writing people even if it is only to comment on Zod's beard

11/7/01 - After the initial enthusiasm the interest in the site cools like Teabag's nards between the seasons of Summer and Fall
June/July is always a busy period in the life of any Jack. To some
it provides the opportunity to impress Gramps by presenting him with a recently stolen Council hanging basket from Blackpill and to others it provides them with the chance to admire the exterior decor of their favourite drinking haunts and also to get pissed in their over-grown garden on Merrydown and eat Rat burgers with aunti dorris and her 30 kids.

Despite these distractions i have managed to add a few new pages to the site and have aquired the roving eye and writings talents of the Master of the Hetti - some of whom's works can be seen by clicking on the links on the left - so be sure to call back on a regular basis and for fucks sake leave a message mun!

27/6/01 - The alcohol appeal hits me hard, but the price of beer in Paris has hit me harder
Six updates in less than a month! I suppose you have the 4 squid price of beer in extortioante Paris to thank for this.

The Wind Street guide has been updated a bit as has this page and a Nomad influenced, completed page on Kilvey Hill has boosted the content up a bit too.

I have also added a mailing list to the site as for some reason the message board has proved about as popular as Zod is with charities.

18/6/01 - Site made nearly worthy of a visit by the French Tourist Office (or the cops)
An unfinished but still worth a gander page displaying some of the Paris pics has been added here.

*STOP PRESS* Lobster wars have broken out in Gower. Rest assured this site will be covering the wars pinch by boil so keep checking back for the latest reports and exclusive interviews by those involved and with veterans of the Cockle Wars that took place in the same arena a few years back.

12/6/01 - Site made remotely interesting #2
I have now added links to the Swansea Jack and Peter Singh Pages and also to the guide page aswell though this has nothing there so may want to leave visiting that page til after you have eaten half of the shoal of bears that you are having for breakfast next Tuesday.

I have also added a new board so please leave a message even if it abuse as at the moment its as empty as Zod's sex diary.

10/6/01 - Site made remotely interesting
A day off from thinking out ways to incorporate a canoe lane into the main public highways of downtown Copenhagen have allowed me time to update the site.

A info page has been added at last and some of the links from that page have also been added so check it out homes.

6/6/01 - Slip sliding to Mainland Europe
A small envelope was delivered to Zod HQ today confirming the worst fears of every Parisian.

The envelope contained 3 rail tickets for the train to Paris on 14/6/01. Normally this kind of jaunt would be undertaken in Zod's mirror but the mortal form of transport worked out $.045 cheaper so the train it is!

4/6/01 - The universe rejoices
This site is launched and widespread celebrations take place throughout the Earth and Penclawdd.

The Nepalese royal family perform a ritual suicide in honour, Clydach market slash the prices on their imitation Reebok pump trainers and the General Bob Slipon squeezes out his 31st wank of the day.

Happy days indeed.