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Key
People
When you think of famous Swansea people you will probably immediately
think of people such as Catherine Zeta Jones, Dylan Thomas, Harry
Secombe etc but if you were to mention these
names to your average Blaenymaes Urban Cowboy they would probably
keep you talking whilst their mate nicks the wheel trims off your
car and then tell you to fuck off.
The
people below do not have the worldwide fame of those people mentioned
above (yet) but they are amongst Swansea's greatest assets and it
is only correct that they have an online presence.
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Teabag
Pete,
Kingsway
If you ask any Swansea Jack to name a person beginning with 'T'
then 34 times out 79 'Teabag' would be the reply. Teabag has conisistantly
been voted in the top 2 of Swansea's Tramp of the Year Award for
the past 6 years and his beard and general style has been mimicked
by the majority of the male population in Cardiff. Teabag can
been seen most nights wandering up and down the kingsway with
a black bag and inspecting rubbish bins in the Quadrant during
the day. You may not think it at first glance but Pete is apparently
very well educated and regal in conversation. In fact, a friend
of mine once had a 43 minute conversation with him one night after
a night on the jazz and his verdict was, and i quote, "that
teabag is a clever cunt!" Not sure if I would class Teabag's
ways as being particularlyclever buy he's clearly well into what
it is he does and you have to respect the guy for not being a
sheep and sticking to his beliefs. Teabag once hit the headlines
for walking for 3 hrs to return a lost purse to some woman who
lost it in the city centre. Apparently the said woman left a reward
in a cardboard box for him at the mail office or the EP office
or something but he never collected it. What was remains a mystery
but I reckon it was probably a load of emty cans and a ripped
copy of Razzle. Long live Tea Cosie Pete (even if he does hate
this site).
Buy a Tea Cosie Pete, Legend of the Street T-shirt here.
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The
Wildbunch ,
Swansea Train Station
If you have looked at other pages of this site you may be aware
than Swansea is home to many tribes and the Wildbunch are one of
the largest with 5 members and 37 applications waiting to be processed.
The Wildbunch can be seen daily consuming turps, Tenants Super and
lighter fluid at Swansea Train Station and deliberating what they
are going to do after they have finished drinking. They have been
there for years. |
The
Killay Woodman,
Various locations in Swansea West
This cool hobo does nearly as many miles as his famous k9 friend
'The Littliest Hobo' and can often be seen smoking fags (Lambert
& rollies), drinking coffee, eating chips from Killay chippy
and reading discarded newspapers throughout West Swansea. At first
glance you could easily mistake him for a seasoned beer festival
jedi but you'd be wrong as this dude lives in Clyne Woods and it's
a well known fact that woodlice are banned from beer festivals so
he is nothing more than a drifter but what a drifter! Above we seem
him walking behind 2 nuns and a blind man in Uplands and sparking
up in Sketty. |
Mad Mike, The Old Duke, Any betting shop
that'll let him in
Mad Mike is one of the greatest characters in Wales and aside from
Guiness, Ireland's greatest export.
He's often seen around in the very up market pubs on the top of
High Street (The new Wind St). Mike tends to be a bit on the abusive
side and will probably offend you or threaten to kill as soon as
your in a 10 yard radius of him.
There are so many stories about Mike, however my favorite was one
afternoon in Corals on High St. Basically i was in there with Nicky
putting couple of bets on when the great man himself walked in.
His first words to the woman behind the counter were what we expect
from Mike "What you looking at you fucking bastard?".
The woman basically told him he had to leave, but Mike was having
none of it. He continued to shout various threatening abuse to her,
another guy in the bookies tried to tell him that he was being well
out of order however Mike's reply to him was "and you can fuck
off as well you fucking cunt!." Mike then
decided to leave but not without telling the entire bookies what
he thought of us. "Your all cunts!."
What a very nice man. Definitely worth going looking for him on
High St as being in Mike's company can be quite amusing.
Report by Dangerous |
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Richey
Franklin,
The Old Duke / High St
Well there are legends and there is Richey Franklin! Drinking water
from an ashtray on all fours in the middle of the pub after an alsation
refused to touch it, frantically searching for an empty carrier
bag, selling hot tins of tuna and shoes, drinking whiskey by the
half pint, rants about "the incas of peru"....this guy
truly is a god and not even his daily trick of pissing himself in
front of the entire pub can dim anyone's view of him! Richey Franklin
for Lord Mayor and leader of Swansea Council! Thanks to Cracking
for the pics |
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Magoo,
Any cheap pub in the City Centre mainly
Magoo (seen above discussing NASA's next space mission with Slipon)
was a pioneer in light frame, small lensed glasses wearing and is
currently serving a ban from all Wetherspoons pubs for ordering
2 pints at the time and abusing the bar staff at HIGH volume in
the Potters Wheel. I don't know a great deal else about the wee
fellow but he's a close friend of General Bob Slipon Zod so I'll
leave it to him to do a review. |
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Penny
Please/Blue Coat Man,
High Street & Marina
This Tony Hart lookalike could often be seen (without Morph) wearing
the above coat at the bus stop opposite Argos waving at passing
cars and asking passing pedestrians for "a penny please."
Probably one of the smartest dressed beggars in the industry,
he can also be seen in the Marina pulling off a similar stunt
wearing the same coat. According to the guestbook,
this guy has a dark side though but rumours that the blue coat
is in actual fact a tattoo are unfounded. Thanks to Cracking
for the pic.
UPDATE:
Blue Coat Man is banned from begging in Swansea for 5 years! Click
here and
here for the full
story
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DJ Spielberg, Ministry of Sound, God's Kitchen
& Jubilees
DJ Spielberg is the finest DJ and Movie Maker on earth at this present
time. Judge Jules, Trevor Nelson, that name changing American director
Steven Spielberg and most obviously, Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles have
all built their careers from imitating DJ Spielbergs revolutionary
techniques and style. A man of the people, DJ Spielberg could often
been seen zipping round Swansea on his purpose built (strengthened)
20cc scooter before it was robbed. |
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Dai
Christ,
Oystermouth Road & Walters Road mainly
Despite the religous tone to his billboards, this guy never fails
to brighten up your day when you pass him on your way to work in
the morning. He doesn't really do a lot aside from wave, smile and
say 'hello' but it's all good and he must be into it as he is seen
more or less everyday! Perhaps if other religous fanatics followed
his lead and did the same, the Americans and Arabs wouldn't have
to keep blowing themselves up all the time. |
Peter Caroll, Any Pub or Bookmaker
and Ospreys Games
76 year old Peter Caroll is a living legend and probably the only
living Welshman to be shagged not once, but twice by a rottweiler
in a pub and then collapse at least 6 times (including over a wall
outside the Gnoll where in the process he bust his glasses and smashed
his face up) within the space of 7.3hrs! Freedom of the City should
be his! |
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Mark,
Bonymaen and the Irish Sea
Not had the pleasure to meet Mark but it's obvious that - judging
by the pics I've seen - he is a right STATE! Famous for stopping
the Rosslare/Pembroke ferry by telling the captain that one of the
Ospreys Cowboys, Deano (seen below feeding Fella Guiness) had fallen
overboard when in fact he was drinking at the bar! Keep up the good
work Mark (you STATE).
Thanks to Cracking for the pic. |
Budge, Kilvey Hill and Bed
Budge is a very, very talented guy but he is more into the safety
side of things as these pics show. |
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Rob's
Dog 'Fella',
Millhouse and wherever else he is led
Questionable name (all pets should be called 'Clive Ridler') but
unquestionable taste as this pic demonstrates. No doubt if Fella
ever saw Peter Caroll he too would bring him to the ground and hump
him! |
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Unknown
Alcoholic ,
Swansea Train Station
The Train Station is for some reason a popular spot for the local
alcos and its not really difficult to see why. Look at the paintwork
on that bin and the splinters on that bench - pure class! Why pay
inflated prices for a beer in a pub when you can have all those
comforts and all that scenary for free? |
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Ned
Flanders/Howell Thomas,
My living room, my house
Ned Flanders or Howell Thomas is the father of our friend Muffin
the Mule. I am not really sure why he is a key person as we don't
really know much about him aside from that he used to play holy
shit when his son the Mule didn't go home for days and when his
son, the Mule, borrowed his cockfilms without permission. I guess
the main reason he is here is because this impression that Marco
is doing of him is immense and that he's married to Babs one tit
the mule's mother.
(Thanks to Reeco of the Regent Fish Bar for the above fictional
info)
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Munching
Pink Mark The Breakfast Consumer,
any food outlet
After about 45 minutes, 1 shit and a few scares, Pink Mark finally
conquered the infamous Pheonix Centre Full Monty Breakfast and
entered the eaterist's hall of fame. The Text Message received
after he ate the breakfast was just as humorous in which Mark
said "Im paying big time mate, just had the biggest shit
of my life, used a full bog roll and my arse is red hot"
(Thanks to Gareth Whiteswan for the above)
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