that we have taken care of those pesky, meddling divers we do what
we like you lobster scum!"
a right homeboy! Lets snare some more of the crusty types Captain!"
may have won this battle but they will not win the war!"
Sliding onto the scene, let's rock and fucking roll cradle of death
- It's going off down Shell harbour
wars have broken out off the Gower Coast.
There have been fights between fishermen and pleasure divers (rumoured
to be lead by Teabag Pete) and allegations of the delicacy being clawed
Police today warned those involved they could face prosecution.
The problem was highlighted by the South Wales Sea Fisheries Committee,
which has also had to contend with cockle wars in the past.
South Wales Police Wildlife liasion officer Jason Watkins said it was
important the legitimate activities of commercial fishermen, who derived
their livelihood from the sea, were protected.
"Diver interference with fishing gear could constitute an act of
criminal damage and the removal of lobsters from fishing pots constitutes
an act of theft, which we will not hesitate to take action against.
"Fishermen are encouraged to report activities to us and not to
take direct action," he said.
South Wales Sea Fisheries Committee director Phil Coates said it was
important divers recognised the need to respect conservation regulations.
"Most divers are highly responsible and prefer to see marine life,
including lobsters, left in their natural environment," he said.
"However, there will always be some who will not comply with the
When quizzed by
undercover Patagonian Police frogmen in the Quadrant Bus Station whilst
collecting 'Wham' bar wrappers from the bins, Teabag Pete had only the
following to say "well Captain Codpiece, Seaman Stains and the
rest of his rent a mob may have won this battle but they better watch
out because I'm not the only person with a crap beard involved in this!"
today, General Bob Slipon Zod a veteran and hero of the Cockle Wars
has been sighted polishing the bell on his craft and there were rumours
circulating in Cockleland that Zod intends to launch a blitzkreig style
attack on somebody.
indeed. Watch this space.....