What it says above.

Click on the link above for a brief history of the best club in Wales and East
Sri Lanka.

Results / Reports
This is where you will find photo's and reports of matchdays and occasionals reports of the game itself.

Pub Guide
Probably the most accurate and well researched section of this site. Click here for a guide to all the worst pubs in the Vetch proximetry.

As you would no doubt be aware, there are far better Swans sites available. Here are the best of them

If you have any compliments or criticisms to make about this section of the site please leave a message

JANET Football
Go here for reports and pics of the Swans fans encounters with Cardiff fans and refugees.

All manner of Swans related shit that doesn't fit into any of the sections above.


Swansea City AFC - In years gone by a dream team. We are good now though!

Recent Updates (10/03/04): Next Game: ???.... Robert Slipon's Media World added....Pics taken in Mansfield.... and various states of intoxication added....

29/9/04 - An update from (New) South Wales - Vetch Box Set
Well it's been a while and it appears the Swans are better off without my contribution to the cause! Hopefully I will be back for the looting of/last game at the Vetch but I'm going to buy one of these excellent Vetch Box Sets anyway and have already bagsied the Centre Stand clock so if someone gets it before me, keep it safe!

10/3/04 - The Media Star Swans Fan Robert Slipon
We have been fortunate enough to aquire from a unnamed source a few of famous Swans fan Bob Slipon's contributions to the press. To hear his coments before last season's make or break game against Hull turn up your speakers loud as and click here, to hear his comments about Kenny Jackets appointment click here, his comments before the FA Cup game at Tranmere here and to read Bob's Questions & Answers article which appeared in the Kidderminster programme, click here.

10/3/04 - The Ideal Away Trip to Mansfield
I couldn't have planned this trip better myself! A great 4 hour bus journey, the Swans didn't lose, we got slammed and we didn't freeze our balls off on some Bosnian esq terrace! The only thing that bothered a few people was the game being postponed due to a frozen pitch. Pics of the day can be seen here

9/9/03 - A rare update
Well the Swans have become good again so probably don't need the support of this site anymore so brace yourself for even less frequent updates than before. That said, they did lose at Yeovil on Saturday and we were there to capture all the glory here.

16/12/02 - Better watch out for the noidies
Swans lose at Exeter but we get slammed here

19/10/02 - Barca scouts at the next Swans game
Swans rout Southend 1-0 to climb off the bottom of the league
Swans rout Southend 1-0 to climb off the bottom of the league
Swans rout Southend 1-0 to climb off the bottom of the league
Swans rout Southend 1-0 to climb off the bottom of the league
Yes, we really did! See here

12/10/02 - Squirrels depart
After a brief spell bottom but one, the Swans have once again returned to the bottom of the league. Wouldn't it be fucking great if the league was turned upside down like some sort of egg timer or if the Swans actualy won a fucking game!? Oh, and we now have Wales' smallest giant Brian Flynn in charge of the team so hopefully his presence will turn things round.

And while the Swans struggle the JANET side keep their 100% record alive with a 4-3 victory over the Oxford fans. Pics of that game and the Swans/Oxford game can be seen here.

20/9/02 - Super Swansea City the strongest team in the land
Why because we are now proudly sitting on the ocean bed of the entire football league with an impressive 90odd teams above us!

But don't book your b&b's in forest green and dagenham yet as we now have the 46th new manager of the past few seasons in Brian Flynn who is going to take us back to the dizzy heights of the 3rd division. You can say many things about the Swans but you can't say it's boring being a Jack can you! I fucking loves it!

Some pics from last saturday's epic away trip at Wrexham can be seen here.

30/8/02 - Same shit, different season?
The new season is under way and the Swans haven't mirrored the performance of their supporters and routed all opposition they faced but instead have won a few, lost a few and drawn a few.

I can't really see this section of the site being updated too often but call back after away games to see a pictorial report of the day (if we bothered going that is). Talking of away games, if you can bring yourself to leave sunny Swans to watch the Swans in some Eastern hive, then make sure you travel with G:Travel!

A few photos of the Bristol Rovooooaaahs away adventure where I managed to cut my hand climbing on top of the toilets and the Swans managed to get routed can be seen here.

15/7/02 - JANET v Sleeping Gnats pics added
Pics taken on the day of the 4-1 victory over the Sleeping Giant.com lot can be seen here.

2/6/02 - Jack Army.net Training Session pics added
Some pics taken at the above event which nearly reduced the number of posters can be seen here.

19/5/02 - Swans fall short in the FAW(ank) Final
The 1 valued squad of Swansea City lose just 1-0 to the 12 million rated squad of Cardiff City. After the game Swans fans nick the fences to weigh in and chase the stone throwing dwarfs back to their shanty towns below earth. Pics of the day can be seen here.

Well that's just about it as far as the Swans go for a while. There is a pre-season tour of Holland to look forward to in July, so hopefully, ss and scc permitting, I will be able to attend and bring back stories and pictures of tulips, clogs and large dollops of mayo on chips andd none of drugs/prostitutes and eels.

20/4/02 - Thank fuck that is all over
The end of what has been an unforgettable season was celebrated in style yesterday by all involved. Pics from the day can be seen here

The only game remaining of any note besides the Hereford invitation cup thing on Tuesday which sadly I am unable to attend, is the FAW game at the Theatre of Dwarfs on May 13th which I will be attending so call back after that. In the meantime, avoid cockles and laverbread at all costs!

7/4/02 - Dwarfs here we come
Back once again with the renegade master and some pics of last monday's Rushden trip.

Hopefully it has been worth the 1 month wait for this section of the site to be updated. There will be more pics to come of Luton's and Jannik Hansen's visit to the Vetch later this week.

Also, dwarfland here we come! We are due to play the dwarfs in the FAW final when they can fit us in to their busy mining schedule.

6/3/02 - Dwarfs here, dwarfs there, dwarfs every....
Information about Cardiff, Land of the Dwarfs here and pics taken at Shrewsbury, Garden of the Giant but with a dwarf on it here.

16/2/02 - North Bank Pelican Photos
3 pics taken at last nights momentus occasion #2, (the Swans won again), can be seen here

12/2/02 - East Stand Eagles
2 pics taken at last nights momentus occasion, (the Swans won and I entered the ground un-inebriated), can be seen here

10/2/02 - Same old Swansea, same old Sunday hangover
Although there has been change at the top, the Swans have carried on their old ways of winding us the fans up with their unpredictable ways and forcing us to get pissed on a Saturday. Yesterday was no exception as 500+ fans travelled to the land of the eel abusers to see the Swans draw 2-2 with Leyton Orient. Pics of the days can be seen here.

29/1/02 - Crack open the dandelion & burdock, Petty is dead!
Well actually the tached, inserter of eels up the arse is not dead (yet) but he no longer has nothing to do with Swansea City - thank fuck and Mel!

Well, thanks to Mel Nurse and his consortium, we got what we all wanted so now it's time to do your bit and ensure the Swans get all the support they deserve.

Go to the link here, download the poster, print it off and display it in the most prominent places you know e.g- work, school, lamposts, backs of buses, brothels etc

Also to celebrate the takeover there is picture of the Vetch taken by God from the clouds here for you to download and use as wallpaper in your bathroom.

The club is back where it belongs, we are out of the wilderness and ready to cast more shadows for Cardiff live in. Up the Jacks!

23/1/02 - I wish I was grilling my balls with Walter Boyd
Another shit day for the Swans as Griffen pulls out of buying the club and the Swans crash 4-1 to Bristol Rovers and I get the highlights of the Eastern Block v Stoke City taped for me. See report here

20/1/02 - Getting better
Reports suggest that reprobate, moustached, fake dwarf Tony Petty has finally decided to relinquish his interests in Swansea City and sell the club which I will believe when it happens. I personally hope that Satan doesn't relinquesh his interests in Tony Petty though and sends a fleet of kangaroos into his home to rip his and everyone associated with hims' guts out with their claws.

In the meantime some pics from the success that was Roger Freestones Race Night can be seen here.

6/1/02 - Not a happy new year at the Vetch...yet
Un The situation at the Vetch is worsening by the day, please do your bit to help by visiting the following sites and praying that Tony Petty has his guts ripped out by a kangaroo called Jack shortly after he has seen his comrades suffer a similar fate.
TWAT - The War Against Tony

Some pictures taken during the Lincoln game can be seen here.

19/12/01 - Same shit but in the snow
Unfortunatelt Tony Petty and 'Fat Ginger Bastard' Mike Lewis have not left, been hung, drawn or quartered or 'gone missing' so please go here to read about the current situation. Until Petty and the other reprobates leave the City forever I shant be paying to go in the Vetch again so this section of the site will probably be gathering a lot of dust, a few spiders and 9 ants for the forseeable future so keep up to date and involved with our plight by clicking on the links to the left and be sure to call back if there is breaking news or if you are bored.

25/10/01 - This is def the last update!
Not much to do in work so I went for an aardvark hunt up Kilvey Hill and lo and behold guess who I saw up there: click here. A this doesn't really fit into any of the other sections of the site I have created a new page to display items such as this on which can be seen here.

Right that is really it for now so get yourself a tub of stick sticky and fuck off! See you in 5 weeks...maybe.

23/10/01 - This Swan is off down South to grill my balls
My involvement with the Swans has now ended for 5 weeks at least as myself and the Slipster undertake the Arfon Haines Davies Roasting Tour of OZ. Saturday's march went quite well and my t-shirts even appeared on the front page of the Evening Post which was great. It's just a same that some of the people wearing the shirts defied the whole object of them by going into the Vetch and funding Tony Petty's kangaroo pie habit but there you go that is Swansea for you I guess.

The latest rumour cirulating the tribes of Kilvey is that Mike 'pissed bloke from the Fast Show' Lewis - the man who gave Petty the club in the first place - is to take the club back of him but until they have all fucked off I am not setting foot in the Vetch again except to loot Mike Lewis' drinks cabinet and steal the Hibernian tracksuits from the stewards room.

Some pics of the marches of last week can be seen here aswell as some pics of what I and others spent our admission fee on.

Okay, so these pages won't be updated until I return from Oz (shut it you who says they were never updated anyway!) so thanks for wasting your time reading my comments and make sure the club is still alive for me to write about when I come back!

18/10/01 - RIOT! SMASH! DESTORY! (If nothing below works)!
I cannot even begin to describe the events at SCFC since my last update. I thought Oxford away last year was a low but recent events have cast a huge Vanessa type shadow over all of that. We really are in the shit this time and by reading this page you are showing that you have an interest in the plight of the Swans (either that or you are just a nosy bastard) so please do all you can to help by printing out the poster on this page and buying a t-shirt. We really need all the help we can get and if there are any YTS bomb makers reading this please send all your efforts to: Tony Petty c/o Vetch Field, Swansea. We will get through this! We have resurrected before and we will again! Onwards and upwards!

The infamous, legendary Peter Nicholas (and Colin Addison) have finally taken control at the helm of the puppets and we have seen 6 goals scored by the Swans and only 3 conceded in the last 2 games which is better than finding goldfish swimming in your lavatory at 4.35pm.

A pictoral report of the Kidderminster game and a minibus full of reprobates travel to and from the home of the best shepherd pies east of Cairo can be seen here.

After witnessing some truly dire performances my interest in the Swans has, as predicted, diminished a great deal and I have spent the time between 3 and 4.45 on a saturday spending my money wisely - in the pub.

However, John 'Pinochio' Hollins has now been shown the way to the job centre on High St and we have a new manager in Colin Addison. The infamous Peter Nicholas is also on the scene aswell so things could get very interesting or very, very shit! But at least it's a change and has ressurected my interest enough to put my name down for the Kiddiminster Harriers trip.


The infamous Peter Nicholas: Absolutely fucking solid!

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish Colin Addison and Peter Nicholas all the best. Up the Swans!

Some photo's taken at the supporters trust meeting/piss up can be seen here. I will update the rest of these pages towards the end of the week.

The Swans have now completed their pre-season and are 2 games into their quest for a swift return to Division 2. Despite some of the results gained during the pre-season - 5-1 defeat against Pontypridd being the best - the Swans have started the campaign ok with 1 win and 1 draw. Typically, I didn't see the win but I was unfortunate enough to witness Saturday's bore draw against Oxfuck United. For a report on the day go here.

The fumes emitting form the Jamaican players dressing room before the game are enough to send the Swans players into Magic Roundabout land and they are defeated 1-0. Only around 2,000 odd people bothered paying 15 squid upwards to watch the game. The other 3,000 jacks spent their 15 squid on purple haze and other sorts of ganja on sale at the gates.

Swans destroy Port Talbot by 2 goals to 0. Once again I was not in attendance - this time due to familiarising myself with the gearbox of the rusty shed I have aquired - but the results are getting more encouraging and my Saturday level of alcohol consumption is being increasingly threatened. I don't think I can be arsed to shell out 15 squid to witness the 'UK I smoke the most hash' competition between the Northbank boys and the visiting Jamaican fans (and the match between the Swans and Jamaica!?) but I will try to get report of the day to put up here if my mind doesn't change.

1-1 to Bury at home was suprisingly not the result I and millions of other Swans fans worldwide expected. Apparently the Swans put a decent enough performance in and were unlucky to come away with a draw (Bury equalised in the 90th minute). Unfortunately I was too busy moving my possesions from the Marina back to the Bronx (Winch Wen) to see this game but the reports on the new boys were encouraging so the time I spend in the pub between 3 and 4.45 on a Saturday could become a lot less this season.

Swansea are once again defeated, this time 3-1 to Tiverton Town! I have no idea who the fuck Tiverton Town FC are and I'm sure there are people living in Tiverton who don't know either. Embarrassing scenes!

The mighty Swansea return to last season's form and lose 2-1 to Newport County an amateur team languishing 2 divisions below them in the Doctor Martens 'I clean the toilets in a OAP home when I'm not playing football' League.

A 1-1 draw with Carmarthen Town suggests another rosy season ahead for the Swans faithfull. This result comfirms that I made the right decision to shun travelling down to Carmarthen to spend the day tryign to trace the elusive Teabag.

This section of the 'This is Swansea' site goes online but nobody really gives a fuck as non of the links work.

Cardiff are a pile of peacock piss

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