SOUTH WALES EVENING POST BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!!! OFFICIAL!!!
The Smith Family (AKA, The Smuttos, and/or The Evening Post Mafia).......have retained their grip on the Evening Post flogging monopoly in the centre of Swansea for many a moon.

All the best pitches in the City centre are vigourously guarded by this group with extreme predjudice, especially around the lucrative Whitewalls area near Dixons and Littlewoods.

STARTLINGLY though, some of the activities of this clan can now be revealed as HIGHLY dangerous, even life threatening......READ ON!While seated at their kiosks selling the newspaper the Smuttos often emit deafening strangulated shouts supposedly with the aim of advertising their wares. The incidence of heart failure amongst STARTLED old age pensioners coming out of Dixons in the afternoon has, until recently, baffled medical experts.....ONLY NOW CAN THE TRUTH CAN BE TOLD!

Up until a few days ago, lingustic experts and anthropologists were unable to decipher the various shouts of: "ANNNNAAYY HOOOOORRRTS", "FEEEENNNNIII PRRRROOOAAAG" and "GOOORRRAAG GNNNNNOOOORRR" etc etc.

The eminent Japanese language professor, Professor Hotto Kulli, undertook a scientific study and has now postulated the remarkable theory that these shouts are not only audible in the normal human hearing range but also work on a much deeper subliminal primeval level. Prof Kulli has now proved that the noises the Smuttos make are more akin to warnings ancient hunter-gatherers might have made to each other on the approach of a nasty predator or rival pack of Neanderthals.

You can hear MP3 samples of some of the
Smuttos shouts below. Translations provided by Prof. Hotto Kulli:

"annnnaayy hooooorrrts" (27kb)
run away...irate sabre-toothed tiger approaching!

"feeeennnniii prrrroooaaag" (27kb)
the cave bear is sexually active and on the loose!

"gooorrraag gnnnnnoooorr" (22kb)
a great hairy mammoth has an erection and is smiling at you!