"OK OK I know he is a bleedin Swansea icon, but why stuff the bastard with laver bread and dump him down the docks for feral puffins to shit on?"


Swansea, that "ugly lovely town", of the oft quoted line attributed to the Jack Bard himself. But, I mean, take a look at the statue of the old drunken bugger on the right, he's got a cheek, not exactly effin Tom Cruise himself is he? No wonder he was a piss-artist and reknowed fantasiser, imagine seeing that fizzog in the mirror every morning when you get the Bic razor out.

And why is he perched on the edge of his seat like that? Ready to do a runner cos it's his round? Nice bit of frazzle just walked into the bar? Perhaps he's just got an instinctive aversion to pub chairs. Come to think of it, I'd sit like that too, if I was drinking regularly in the "Uplands Inn", I would only hazard a guess as what those students get up on those seats and what kind of mess they'd leave behind after a night on the Stella and Beriani.